I am of the age to have kids, some of my friends have them, but I have mixed feelings about it, just wondering about other people’s experiences.
I have a kid. My wife wanted one but I didn’t, and I agreed because I didn’t want to lose her.
I love my kid, but to call it a huge lifestyle change is a monumental understatement. I’m happy with my life, but it could have gone the other way, and that wouldn’t have been fair to anyone. There are certainly a lot of things I miss from before, but I couldn’t go back now.
Don’t let anyone else convince you to have a kid, and don’t let anyone, including yourself, convince your spouse. This really needs to be something you want for yourself, or there is a good chance you’ll end up miserable and your child will grow up in a broken home.
If you can’t make to your mind before your age make it too risky for your comfort, then just understand that you have made a decision, and you’ll need to come to terms with that, should it come to pass.
I have kids. I said I wanted them until it really hit home how much work it was. I didn’t shy from the work though, and had 2 more. Now they are close to becoming adults and we are bonding over so many things. I would never do it again without them.
I’m female. Hell. Fucking no. Pregnancy and childbirth sound awful and I have zero interest in babies, children, or taking care of something that might grow to hate me. Too much societal stereotypical expectation as the mom. I understand today parenting is a lot more fair and equal but I would still be giving up my body and time for feeding, among other things.
But I’ve genuinely had to ask myself if I was a male? Would I want kids… I think one of the biggest turn offs is literally the female pregnancy/birth part. If I didn’t have to carry and give birth to a child? Maybe?
I understand adoption would still be a thing but I still think as a female I’d carry responsibility that I don’t want.
I’ve never had a desire to be around kids or babies and the screaming and crying sets me off when I’m in the vicinity. Then the teenage mood swings? I can’t fathom.
Overall I’m a hard no.
I have no idea why why any woman would want to get pregnant. It looks like an absolute terrible experience all around, and that’s not even accounting for the safety risks and the long term health reprocustions.
I do not have kids. I fiercely disprove of the idea of havnig kids without having a person to have those kids with.
I finally met somebody I would probably have them with.
But shes already past menopause, so it’s not going to happen.
And that’s cool, we’re DINKY-ing it out.
Never liked kids, never liked the idea of having kids. I have a miniscule noise tolerance, and being around them for just a few hours completely exhausts my social batteries.
After meeting my nieces I need a full day to recover, so I wouldn’t expose myself to the same thing at home on a near constant basis, plus I love the freedom to be as spontaneous as I want to be.
Got sterilized in my 20s, now I’m in my 40s. Zero regrets, best decision of my life.
I sort of thought that I didn’t want kids even though I was married and finances would not be a problem. And then I had a kid, and it is the greatest thing that ever happened to me in my entire life.
I have 2 kids. One bit and one girl. Wish I had a third, but I got snipped after 2.
My golden rule of thumb goes by this ruling, if I can barely take care of myself and barely get by. There’s absolutely no way or chance I’ve got in caring for someone else like a child.
If I can’t stand the sight, scent, hearing and other things of other people’s children. There’s not a guarantee that I’ll see my child any different.
Mood. There was a time I was standing in line at the post office and some haggard looking mother was doing her best to calmly reign in her child who was busy running away from her, screeching and pulling over every display he could reach, and having zero regard for anyone else in the vicinity. I could see her exhaustion and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I usually just grit my teeth and try to ignore it until I can escape, but this time I cut off the kids path when he got close, said “Stop” in the harshest tone I could muster, and ngl was pretty pleased with myself when he went crying to his mom. I did realize in that moment, tho, that I probably shouldn’t have kids.
I’m completely exhausted by my niece after I visit. I can’t imagine dealing with that 24/7. BIL is the most patient person I’ve ever met and he and my sister express regret. And she’s a great kid.
If I’m ever somehow stinking rich and don’t have to work I might consider fostering or adopting but I’m getting old and have a hard enough time taking care of myself. Pets are enough. Also doesn’t help that American economy and political climate is a fucking trash fire.
Fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuck no.
Never mind my genetic heart defect I don’t want to risk passing down, my niece and nephew are a handful enough as it is when I watch them for a weekend.
I always thought I’d make a better uncle than a father. Time has proven me right.
I’ve got a lot of reasons: climate, personal finance, america (country where I live) seems a little unwell, mental health, lack of commitment (I think one should be pretty sure and I’m not).
Came close once with a relationship where my partner changed their mind and wanted kids and tried to convince me for a year. We parted ways over it.
Got a vasectomy last year. If I want them later on I’ll adopt or foster.
No. Wanted kids, but it didn’t happen with either wife (sequential, not simultaneous). Current wife can’t any more for medical reasons. And frankly I don’t want to have a teenager while I’m in my 60s, so I think I’m done anyway.
I would like to have kids, but I do have nieces I can take whenever I want and give back whenever I’m done. Kind of the best of both worlds.
It’s such a huge and personal decision. You shouldn’t really make a decision based on how other people describe their experience. I saw this on reddit ages ago and this is is probably the single best summary of the experience I’ve seen.
I can describe my experience, but you need to understand people’s biases. My bias is that I always liked kids. I enjoyed playing with nephews and nieces. I now work with children and have 2 of my own kids. The decision for children doesn’t come about in a vacuum. I had a wife who wanted kids too. I had a stable job and felt ready. Even then I had no idea what I was in for. Kids put major demands on your time, money, energy, patience and marriage. I have one child which some might call “a difficult child” and one who is very demanding (as expected for a “normal” child). This is definitely life on hard-mode. Children really force you to face your own issues and get over yourself. It has been great for me. I wouldn’t change a thing about my “difficult” children. Giving them a good life and catering to their needs is an undescribable satisfaction and fulfilment in itself. I’m learning more than I’m teaching them. I wish work didn’t take so much of my time and energy so I had more for them. I asked my wife if she wanted to work full-time, because I would happily stay at home or work part-time and spend more time with the kids. I can’t get enough of my kids and the time you get at each stage of their life flies by in an instant.
That’s starkly in contrast that with large proportions of Lemmy (and Reddit) which have quite vocal child-free populations with a very individualist ideology. Everyone’s circumstances and biases are different.
Edit: People also tend to be more open about defending their current position rather than expressing regret (i.e. had children and hated it, or didn’t have children and regretted it); both of these populations exist and tend to be quieter because of social stigma.
I was onboard until you described the child-free movement as individualistic.
It is not selfish to decline child creation, especially given current affairs.
I didn’t interpret their use of the word individualistic as an assertion that those who choose to be child-free are selfish. Selfish has a negative connotation to it that I don’t feel they were going for. I think they were just contrasting that while being a parent requires putting yourself aside and focusing on a different human, being child-free allows a person to focus on their individual goals, whims, what have you.
I also agree with you that there is nothing wrong with a person choosing not to have kids, and there’s a lot of reasons to pick from. For me, those are:
•I have never yearned for motherhood
•I find pregnancy impressive from a biological perspective but at the same time horrific and something I never want to go through
•I am prone to depression which makes it hard for me to care for myself on a consistent basis so I am not going to bring another life into this world only to be too swamped in self-loathing to take care of them
•I detest humanity, we have spent our entire existence as a species ravaging the earth as well as each other and I see no end to it. I hate that realistically I will have to watch people be cruel to each other for the rest of my life and have decided not to create another human who has to trudge through this hellscape which undoubtedly will only be worse off in their future
Relating individualism to selfishness is a leap you’ve made, not me. I haven’t even referred to being child-free as a negative anywhere, just pointing out the variety of stances and opinions to OP and I’ve actually emphasised that everyone’s situation is different.
You’ve argued against some logical leap/straw-man in your mind rather than anything I’ve said.
I’m not the person you replied to, but what exactly did you intend individualist to mean in this context? When I look at individualism on Wikipedia, it seems to be a self-centered philosophy - ‘Individualists promote realizing one’s goals and desires, valuing independence and self-reliance, and advocating that the interests of the individual should gain precedence over the state or a social group, while opposing external interference upon one’s own interests by society or institutions such as the government.’
absolutely not. I’m not interested in bringing anyone into this world to die in the climate wars
