Is a age that is both full of, and devoid of opportunities. I feel like being a adult is just lying about how much you have your shit together to people who also lie about having their shit together. After we got out of college, we are just going to sit in front of a computer like the generations before us for the rest of our life, with the only difference of be paided less then them. I don’t want to be like this. I want my life to be more then this. I want to go out explore and change the world. When we gen z first comes to high school the world seems full of opportunities, we imagine us achieving great things, but not one of us could have imagined the entire generation having a mid-life crisis at the age of 18.
To all the Gen Z, and in the future, Gen Alpha. Welcome to the 2020s, welcome to late stage captalism.
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I’m going to let you in on some insight from a 40-something millenial:
I feel like being a adult is just lying about how much you have your shit together to people who also lie about having their shit together.
It starts off that way a bit, and you’re expected to at least put forward the impression you have your shit together before you do. But then the pretending gets easier and easier until you realize you’re just paying your bills, getting your laundry done, and doing what you need to do while feeling like you’re failing at the new, added responsibility in your life (like big career changes, kids, projects taken on, kids, taking care of family or friends, more kids). But that’s with anything new you take on. If you aren’t struggling at least a little, you’re not growing.
After we got out of college, we are just going to sit in front of a computer like the generations before us for the rest of our life, with the only difference of be paided less then them.
If you choose that. I can’t speak to the pay, because y’all are getting fucked… so far. I’ll speak more on that in a second, but I was the store manager of a restaurant for a few years before moving to New York from Seattle on a whim, worked customer service at a phone center for a cable company, and then joined the Coast Guard in my mid-to-late 20s, and drove boats until going into aviation and flying in helicopters, living in various places throughout the country, saving a few lives, flying in really cool places, and when I retire I can go do something else. People who stay in a job behind a desk their whole work life either love that job or are complacent in it. You are absolutely not chained to it.
And as for the shitty pay and everything, what I have seen of the Gen Z folks that have come through the Coast Guard is that they advocate for themselves and get things that we millenials are embarrassed to hear requested, much less think to ask for ourselves. And look to all the labor movements going on to push back at those pay drops. Keep the momentum, keep up the fight, don’t get complacent like my generation or Gen X.
not one of us could have imagined the entire generation having a mid-life crisis at the age of 18.
That’s not a mid-life crisis, that’s just the normal fear of entering the world for real, and it’s been that way for a long, long time. The crises come when you start feeling how little time you have (quarter-life realization you just don’t have enough lifespan to do everything you hope to do, mid-life realization of how little time you really have). Your thing is simply the fear of embarking into the unknown, and your doomscrolling has made your future look bleak. Put the phone down. Take opportunities when you can. Enjoy what you can out of life.
The whole thing is daunting, I totally get it. But going in with the approach you have is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I agree with this and want to add my take on “pretending to have your shit together”
Its not so much as trying to impress everyone around you as much as it is focusing on positives. If you need specific help to get something done and I’m the person that can help, by all means, tell me you don’t have your shit together and I’ll work with you. But otherwise, I don’t really need to hear about how bad you are at getting laundry done. Most people in my area have shitty retail/cust svc jobs that aren’t much to write home about. Does it pay the bills? Do you have a normal amount of time off? If yes and yes, then great, let’s talk about some social trend or play a game or drink beer. You have a 2-basket laundry system, I haven’t vacuumed in 3 years. We don’t need to judge each other’s lives over those details. We’re not hanging out to be the two most shit-togethered people in the room, we’re here for common interests and well-paired attitudes.
I’ll offer another price of experience in my 30s. I had no friends at 25. I lost all my school friends, my neighborhood friends all had new neighborhoods, I was overqualified but stuck at a bullshit job, and my cousins got different lives. Sure, I hung out with people from work, I found a new set of cousins with my spouse, and I found a like-minded group from a hobby. But those don’t count, right? Not my actual cousins, I only see the hobby people during hobby activities and related gatherings, and that’s just “work” people.
Wrong.
Don’t put qualifiers on who is a real friend. Do you have a good time together? Do you meet sometimes? Do you beleive they mean you no harm? Great, those are real friends. Nearly all friends in life will be friends of proximity. A neighbor, a classmate, a coworker, a hobbyist. When you lose the proximity by moving, changing schools, exiting a hobby, or changing jobs, most will fade into the background. Shared experiences keep friendships moving so when you take away the common setting, it doesn’t flow as easily. The inside jokes from coworkers about new policies now need a preface to get the other person up to speed. The former neighbor needs to make plans with you to meet for dinner instead of just coming around the corner. The hobbyists used to talk about their next project but, previously, never talked about life with you.
Maybe you’ll have a good lifelong friend or two with whom you always reconnect instantly. It’s probably because of some similarity in your formative years that keeps you in the same book, if not on the same page. Other than that, you’ll always be bouncing around between groups. Please, don’t disqualify them as temporary or not serious enough. Live in the moment. Are you having a good time with these people right now? Then let the good times roll.
It hit me hardest around my wedding. I felt like I had no one to invite and was part of why I pushed it off. I ended up with about 20 aquaintices at a 120-guest wedding. I got to see several weddings shortly before mine and realized I fit in just fine at those. When I was at my welcome party the night before and saw all these different groups mingling with each other, they didn’t really care about the qualifiers of their presence, either. They asked how they knew the wedding couple but moved onto their regular small talk. A party isn’t a place to be the sole star of your own show, a party is a happy group of people partaking in festivities. Your cultivated group of aquaintices will be more compatible than you realize.
Beautifully written.
Signed, another 40 year old millennial.
My kid’s a millennial and graduated college in 2018… Here’s the dirty little secret… Your life depends on what you put into it. Nobody just just going to hand you anything, you have to put in the work.
I tried to make it easy for him, I paid his way through college so he got a CS degree with no debt, but he worked for that degree, and the connections he made led to his first job at Intel, his second job at Oracle, and now, at the age of 28, he’s out there doing the super spooky AI stuff, and presenting papers at conferences.
Not to belittle you kid’s efforts, it’s a great feat they’ve achieved, but it sounds like survivorship bias. You can do everything right and still fail. Being in the right place at the right time and having the right connections matter.
As a millennial who wasn’t interested in computers these types of stories will haunt me my entire life
I’m a millennial who was interested, I do IT for dirt money. You may put a lot in, but you also have to be surrounded by the right people to succeed.
That last statement is absolutely true. My first 5-6 years in IT I kind of languished, because there were very few people around me that made an effort or pushed me to get better or just explained stuff to me. Then I got a call from a recruiter for a system engineer position. While I didn’t get that job, it did lead me to quit my job to go find something better. I then did find an IT system engineer job where I had a great mentor, support and incentives to get IT certificates. I wasn’t there for long due to personal circumstances, but that really launched my career and I’ve been getting better and higher paid jobs since.
I’m in my 4th year of your six years. My.manager says certs aren’t worth it. Won’t pay for them
Your manager can go suck a dick. They are absolutely worth it and worth the out of pocket expense for the exam. The long term benefits (it looks very good on a cv) are absolutely beneficial to your career, not to mention you will learn relevant stuff in the process.
Yeah mixture of both, wouldn’t you agree?
Sometimes you can get far by just being lucky.
Sometimes you can get far by just working hard.
You’re most likely to get far by working hard and being lucky.
You can still not get anywhere even when you work hard.
Strong economies create more opportunities which means your luck factor doesn’t have to be as high.
Definitely a mixture of both, but the one thing I guarantee is if you sit around doing nothing, that’s exactly all you’ll ever attain.
I think the best kept secret to learn is to stop giving a shit what anyone else thinks and just be you and live how you wanna live. That’s when being an adult is freeing. Stop caring about how others perceive you. Just tune the bullshit out and live your best life.
In some cases, this requires cutting toxic people out of your life, even if they were family.
I feel like being a adult is just lying about how much you have your shit together to people who also lie about having their shit together.
I mean…yeah actually. Nailed it.
Except I TOTALY have MY shit together. I don’t frequently cry about about how cruel the world is, and how I’m going to die alone, likely by my own hand.
That TOTALLY isn’t a nightly occurance since I stopped drinking, because I gave myself cancer with alcoholism, but also can’t smoke weed because of workplace testing…
Nope. Just being a responsible adult, and paying bills for MEEEE!!!
Your life will be what you make of it. Fuck all the memes and the circle jerk pity party that is the internet. To be, or not to be, that is the question.
This is usually pretty consistent. I’m well into my 30s and it was the same when I left school, some left on a mission so do something with their lives, others left preaching doom and hopelessness. Regardless of the luck of their upbringing, of those I still know of, the doomsayers are mostly depressed bums and the others are all doing stuff and have purpose.
Life really is what you make it and nothing long lasting is built over night.
Yeah I’m almost 60 and it was similar back during the cold War. There was no online echo chamber to amplify it back then though
Spot on with “lieing about having your shit together”, I’m in my 40s and in academia and almost everyone is “just pretending” to be a high functioning adult.
But you don’t need to spend your life in front of a computer. You can do all sorts of shit. But people like economic security and that makes “college > soul destroying job” seem appealing. But life can be all sorts of things, as long as you realise you’re in control of the choices not the results.
There’s a well established trope that at every age, people think there life is about to settle down and stop being as open and free. I was defintely the kind of person who felt that turning 21 was becoming ancient and tbat life was basically over. But each decade has been completely different and often wild, I’ve done lots of different things, lived in different places and even now I’m married and have a house and all the more “settled” things, I’m confident the last few decades will also be varied and interesting.
Academics is where you go when you fail in the industry.
Tbf, I’m not sure many people succeed on industrial level Anglo-Saxon literature analysis.
Not just that but teaching and doing academic research. Think a guy doing math on a chalkboard. Not all are bad but sometimes you end up with people who are very book smart but not great with people.
with the only difference of be paided less then them.
Try rice fields.
I don’t want to be like this. I want my life to be more then this. I want to go out explore and change the world.
Everyone does, just don’t overthink it and do what you want now, then maybe you’ll have something to remember when you turn 81.
Welcome to the 2020s, welcome to late stage captalism.
First world problems. Try year 1630 AD.
but not one of us could have imagined the entire generation having a mid-life crisis at the age of 18.
It’s not a mid-life crisis, it’s the typical teenage trap of thinking you’ve reached that and are now wise sensei in a wrong body. Actually feels like something a 15yo me could have written, not 18yo.
It’s more dangerous than you think. When you really have a mid-life crisis, it’ll just be. You won’t think about it this way.
Don’t allow those thoughts to prevent you from getting out, touching grass, learning all you can about all the wonders in the world you can find.
Also don’t wait those 3 months to consider yourself an adult.
And, quoting Al Pachino’s character, when in doubt - fuck.
Just cause people have had it worse doesn’t mean they’re not allowed to criticise it
Show me how a comment on the Web can disallow them anything.
By the way, neither can any of yours
I worded that badly, what I meant was just because humans in the past have had it worse, doesn’t mean OP can’t criticise current problems
OP doesn’t criticize current problems. OP criticizes American median level of life being a bit worse than their parents’ generation, while it’s still obscenely good for most of the planet (for which levels of life have also taken a hit). While the current problems (of the “mass murder, robbery, theft, erasure of heritage, historical revisionism and tyranny” kinds) OP doesn’t even hear about apparently.
In that case you should never complain about anything ever again on the internet because other people on the otherside of the world have it worse than you
No, what I said is not what you are trying to make it seem, it’s that the OP complains about wrong things of what he can complain about.
And no, you are not smart to attempt this kind of cheating, you are robbing yourself and winning nothing.
I would recommend against expecting to change the world. This isn’t because you can’t or shouldn’t try to. You should definitely try anyway. But very few people individually end up changing the world in a significant way. Progress is built on the backs of countless people each pushing a little to together push a lot.
Aim to find one specific area that you can become very skilled in and use that to improve things in a small way. If you’re lucky, you might end up having a big impact, but you’ll hopefully feel less depressed if you don’t.
For now, focus on trying out as much of the world as you are able. Learn to be present and appreciate what you can do now. I spent a lot of my youth so obsessed with the future that I missed out on a lot of experiences. Things suck; however, there’s a lot of cool stuff out there anyway.
Get involved locally. Change the world in your vicinity.
That’s a much more succinct way of putting it!
I’m almost exactly 10 years older than you, and had similar thoughts heading into college. This is what I learned about those thoughts.
After we got out of college, we are just going to sit in front of a computer like the generations before us for the rest of our life
I wanted to avoid an office job, thinking that they’re all bullshit and soul sucking. What I’ve learned is that mental and emotional labor is just as variable as physical labor. The soul sucking still happens as it would in any physical job, but I learned that you need to find something that sucks less than the others and then fight against it. My method of fighting back was to organize a union, but there are other ways as well.
You, as an individual, will need to learn coping mechanisms to stave off the doomerism. I learned a lot of these independently, but this image is a perfect representation of my affirmations and how I remember that I’m more than my job.
These affirmations do not all clash with capitalism. I also don’t agree with all of them, not all jobs are real and valid. We had a guy at work, nephew of the boss, who was facility manager… from abroad. Also got payed way too much and was bought out when the company was taken over. It was not a real job, it was nepotism and he was handsomely rewarded all along the way for doing absolutely nothing while we all had to pick up the slag. Life isn’t fair or equal and cheaters get rewarded. These affirmations work for them too, because cheaters can also just happily define their own worth and their own succesfullness and it’ll be good for their soul. So these rules are not the holy grail, there is no such thing. Just common sense and good conscience.
Well of course not all of them are going to be antithetical to capital. Affirmations are to remind you of positive thoughts without being toxic. They serve to remind you that life is more than making money for someone else.
I also don’t believe that we should discount someone’s work because the owner got involved. Like it sucks to see someone younger than you get handed everything and more that you’ve struggled to earn, but it’s less to do with the person being given the stuff and more to do with the person doing the giving.
I wouldn’t call that “anticapitalist.” It is just good advise
Every young person goes through this. They want to change the shitty world and have energy for it when they are young, but no power, money or influence whatsoever.
Later in life, you have power, money and influence but no energy.
Lols.
Also every generation think they are special and better than previous generations. But you need to have been around for a few generations to see that.
Actually gen z is the first generation I’ve seen that blames boomers for everything, and have a us vs them mentality, probably created by social media.
I would say millennials blame boomers for the economy and the reasons why we struggled so much to get a house (if they even have one by now)
So if gen z was in the place of boomers, they would have done differently?
I don’t think so. Each person has similar needs. Safety and power comes from money, and money comes from careers or inheritance.
It doesn’t matter which year you are born. You all join the circus going on here on earth. And you can only influence your little bit of a single corporation.
If you are a politician, you influence laws, but those laws are often easily bypassed and exploited for profit.
So I wouldn’t blame generations of people for anything they did. Just like I don’t blame Gen Z for being how they are. They are a product of their environment, same as everyone before them.
Okay… I don’t now why that’s massively relevant to what I was saying. I wasn’t arguing anything in particular other than saying that I’ve not seen that stereotype being zoomer v boomer and mostly seen it millennial v boomer
I didn’t mean to argue about anything. Just a comment with my thoughts.
Fair enough
I think the move is to hire some smart younger people and listen to their ideas
I also think they have way to high of expectations. They world isn’t going to baby you as it turns out. The younger generations want to be paid these big salaries to sit and do nothing. They don’t want to work hard and if we are being honest a lot of them had everything handed to them.
I’m on the cusp of the change between Gen Z and Millennial and I’m with you in this. When I graduated college and got my bachelor’s, I envisioned a life where I’d live in a big city, go do some interesting work, and in my off time I’d be able to finally afford to travel. Explore the world. Meet interesting people and do interesting things. But, I was quickly humbled.
I had to fight, I mean literally FIGHT for my current job for a year. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get one since I had no experience and no one wants a college graduate. Now that I have one, I sit about 6 to 7 hours a day in front of a computer. I’m having lower back problems and the lack of exercise is giving me gut problems. I can’t afford to live my own so I can forget about traveling. And, now, my contract is nearing its end so I might not even have a job soon.
This was the world we were handed and, now that I’ve experienced it, I’m looking forward to the day everything goes haywire and we start all over again.
There is a fundamental shift if priorities once people leave education. Unlike knowledge, pretty much everything else costs a specific amount of money. You realize how many things can be directly solved with money and when you have none, of course the world will feel devoid of opportunities. Best to cultivate relationships that are not based on money, because that’s one thing you don’t have to pay for.
My only advice is dont wait. Do what you have a passion for now and just do it. Dont wait at all. Fuck what everyone says, especially your own doubts. Take the plunge.
I kind of felt that way at that age, in the sense that I was worried about choosing a career path and being stuck in it forever.
For me, moving away from my entire previous life in a new city far away was something I wasn’t really expecting I would do, but I did and I generally feel really good about it.
At your age, and when you start living in your own place, you’ve got to realize that stuff isn’t just going to happen for you any more, and if you want something done you are going to need to put serious effort into it. Yes, it is tough to work a full time job that leaves little time for thinking about and doing much else, for ever-decreasing pay. However, you have to make the most of it, make changes you want to see in your life. Plan things out, speak with people to see whether your ideas are sound, make decisions, act on them, taking on calculated risks and responsibilities. Then you’ll find you’ll be able to do what you want to a bit more.
FWIW, you actually do generally learn to get your shit together over time, at least somewhat more than the past
Or is it just a “fake it till you make it” kind of thing? I definitely haven’t got shit together, but I’ve learned to juggle and balance all my problems to perfection so that outsiders could easily mistake it for “having shit together”. You should just focus on who you are and be the best you you can be. “Having shit together” is mostly a relative metric which is good for measuring the masses, but not fair to measure you personally.
