anything but the metric system
We may be the minority, but many of us Americans prefer the metric system.
Ease of conversion and relationship with calories aside, have you ever tried measuring small SI machine screws? Calipers run decimal, not fractions. You can’t compare them without math or memorization. It’s a pain in the ass.
What energy drink is shaped like that?? Maybe the diameter is similar, but no way it’s the size of a whole can.
Maybe those five hour energy and similar shots? That’s all I can come up with though.
“Size of a nice rice ball” would have been more appropriate. Maybe if you tried flattening a 5 hour?
Texans do not know what a riceball is.
The American localization of Pokemon in the 1990s calling onigiri (triangular riceballs) doughnuts has become one of the most infamous in-jokes in Anime.
Well, that’s funny, since I am a Texan. 🤷
I don’t know I’ve never removed the pelt off one
Well “energy” is a bit of a stretch but… (I’ll let YouTube thumbnails take it from here)
inb4”silence brand”
Ok, ok, maybe… Thank you for this. Good call.
I like these, but places near me don’t seem to sell them. Well, my local gas station used to, but they were always hidden in the back and expired which is gross as fuck.
We talking red bull or Rockstar?
Neither are ovoid shaped, right? I just don’t understand.
Those small cans you get on the plane? But why the ‘energy’? Probably to shitpost IMO.
They look exactly golfball-sized, wtf. This is the default measurement unit for hail!
Those are some big golf balls you play with. Maybe racquetballs?
Yeah this in between golf ball and baseball.
The first line took a while to read. First try I got what could be written as:
“Sizes of energy drink can pelts, we salute you”
I mean “drink can pelts” is a weird way to say aluminum
“energy-drink-can-sized hail…” is how I would have written it. Or, y’know, used numbers like a sane person.
Well, I mean it’s less weird to write “golf ball-sized hail” bcause it’s a rather common way to describe the size of hail. Energy drink cans are cylindrical, so it doesn’t make immediate sense in anyone’s brain in the sentence as a comparison. I’m guessing the author couldn’t think of a common enough spherical item of the right size to compare with. Still, I think hyphens would have immediately fixed the strangeness, like the person below you commented.
Or commas, and better grammar, would have done wonders, too.
“Hail, the size of energy drink can[s], pelt[ed] Texas […]”
Sports equipment and fruit are the common comparison for spherical objects.
“Grape sized hail” is quick and easy. “Softball sized” gives the proper “holy shit that’s huge” reaction.
I like the spherical references. I don’t know why he wouldn’t stick with balls.
It’s a good thing they included the coin for scale otherwise we might have just assumed this person had Trump sized hands (another completely valid and totally real unit of measure, the greatest unit of all time actually)
How to actually read this:
Hail the size of energy. (Meaning ‘Glory to the size of energy’)
Drink can pelts Texas while possible tornado injuries US Border Patrol agent.
How do you get the pelt off of an energy drink can, though?
Or, is it drink can doing the pelting of Texas? Also an interesting option
A surprising lot of them are re-skinned, actually, so that’s a legit thing. Depending on your definition of pelt.
Lots of cans that were printed for discontinued lines, or printed before a label change, have plastic sleeves over the can to re-brand them, even when the label on the old and new is identical…
“possible tornado” hurt someone?
What?
Someone wanted comp and the government is filled with gullible idiots.
Well, you can have a funnel cloud, but it’s not a tornado until the condensation funnel touches the ground, and it’s not always clear what the case is until proper surveying is done.
Was it one or was it not?
I’m ngl, this was so hard to read. Why does english have 2 meanings for can?
Also, why should we hail the size of energy drink cans?
I’ll tell you a secret. I’ve never had an energy drink in my life so I don’t even know it’s size.
Imagine a language invented by a drunken german who thought french sounded nice. That’s english in a nutshell
Three. Depending on where you are in the U.S., a toilet is also a “can”. It’s more of a slang meaning, but if you ever hear an American saying they’re “going to go hit the can,” it means they’re going to use the bathroom.
Also pelts can mean fur or yeet
Can you do the can can whilst canning peas and drinking a can of monster all whilst on the can?
Using republican logic, God hates the border patrol.
Funny, I’ve never seen an energy drink come in a can that small.
Low key convinced this started out as “monster hail” and then got butchered by an AI or like 5 Google translate passes
Yeah, ok, well only babies drink energy drinks that small.
We need a child-sized drink for that
Quickly, shrinkflate the energy drinks
Media is in cahoots - groundwork laid for the gaslight
In other news, several border patrol agents seen chasing tornado with tasers drawn.
Inb4 euros still being mad about “they’ll use anything but metric!”
Inb4
Nope, you’re late.
Fuck border patrol, I hereby upgrade “possible tornado” to “neighborhood tornado watch”
