Fiddlestick is genius. If my neighbor came out her front door and called “Fiddlestick!” and that cat came trotting out of the bushes, I would fall over and die.

I like the article, but are we giving up on the difference between “quash” and “squash” or has that train sailed?

I’m pretty sure by “type of ditching” OP means the water conditions. Ditching near the beach is often safer a roadway landing. The least safe is ditching in rough seas in the middle of the ocean, but even that has a surprisingly high survival rate. Pilots don’t always know this, and sometimes give up, not knowing that if they glide the airplane carefully down to the water, their chances of living are pretty good.

“Why is this man so dense? He never responds to the subtle clues I carefully place behind a veil of plausible deniability.”

If you’re trying to make a move without making a move, that might be the reason he’s not responding. You’re asking him to take on all the risk of misinterpretation. At some point somebody has to be overt. If you’re presuming it should be him, you should ask yourself why you think that.