I don’t know what community I thought I was in, but I thought this was gonna be some joke story about Jar Jar Binks running a police force. Those cops need to fix the spacing for “Mesa”

What do you think the chances are that Fucker Carlson moves back?

Reined? No. Ruined

BTGO

The Wet Bandits.

That’s right, I’m calling oil “wet.” Fight me.

being smitten by God

Jesus must really love you

I wouldn’t call that very modest, but I’m happy to give it a try!

You take that back! This is a booby-free house! I’ll tell you the same thing I tell my wife… “No one likes boobies, that’s why I invented the 8-cup bra for our uberboobiful dogs. Once people find out about these, they’re gonna sell big, baby!”

If you’re cold, they’re cold. Bring your gas generators and charcoal grills inside.

Hey! This is MY house! You can’t just tell me to leave!

Okay, you’ve convinced me, here’s the key—the alarm code is 55378008

you own it but also can’t really modify it

Lemme introduction you to my friends: drugs, TBIs, and dementia

Edit:

Lemme introduction you

Wtf is wrong with me lately? Geez…

https://youtu.be/tKXO02VGrQ0

At least 3 but probably 6. Anyone who tells you 8 is a liar.

Bah bah-raaan, taaaaake my… Hoof?

I thought I told you to stop talking to me, Dad

This is the boring Jurassic Park I expected

I pheromoned in the toilet this morning! And a tiny amount in my own asscheeks overnight

Edit: apparently y’all don’t like poop jokes. Noted, but not heeded

We should offer to help them stand with him in solidarity, so to speak

I’d try to sarcastically fake-gasp, but I’m worried I might inhale my own face