I’ve read through all the replys here, so I’m not gonna suggest something that’s already been suggested. You’ve already given your opinion on therapy, and on changes/new things.
Let me start by telling you this. You say you don’t have a bright future to wait for. My friend, none of us have. Your future is what you make it to be. You set your own course and build your bright future yourself, no one else is gonna do it for you. That’s life, and that’s what makes it beautiful.
If therapy doesn’t work for you, that’s fine. I personally don’t believe in medication for these kinds of issues, but that’s my opinion. Try meditating. Seriously, it does wonders. Start with a few minutes a day and gradually increase, doesn’t have to be hard. It’s gonna make you into the kind of person who takes a step back and thinks about life.
I do agree with others here that it sounds like you need to find your purpose. Purpose isn’t necessarily something you actively look for, sometimes it’s just something that pops into your head. For example when meditating or doing other things that don’t require any active thinking.
Also, one more thing: If you don’t like doing new things, try removing something. Take a digital detox, as I like to call it. I do it from time to time, and I always enjoy it and I come back with renewed energy and motivation for life. Just a few days or a week where you don’t open any social media, digital entertainment (music, streaming, web surfing etc.) or anything else not strictly necessary. You’re gonna be bored first, I’ll tell you that. But then you’re gonna find out how nice it actually is. You’re gonna start craving for something to do, and if the rule of digital detox is set in your mind, you’re gonna start finding new things to fill your time with. Like taking a walk or reading a book. Though it does require determination.
What I like to do when I’m in a digital detox period, is to remove entertainment focused apps from my home screen on my phone, and then put my screen in black & white (called reading mode on some phones) to make it “boring”. That’s definitely gonna help you.
Life is short, please make something out of it, for your own sake.
I’ve been there, I used the “encrypted partition to be unlocked after boot via SSH”-option, but it quickly became tedious to have to input the password every time it rebooted. I wanted something that could recover by itself (I.e. start everything up again after a potential crash), so that I could maximize uptime and the investigate the crash later.
So I ended up disabling encryption. What I did instead was to find services with E2EE for my most sensitive stuff. Joplin for my personal notes is currently the only thing I have encrypted. Nextcloud has experimental E2EE, though I’m not really using it as of right now. Everything I deem too sensitive to trust my server with unencrypted, I store on encrypted flash drives.
I think the risk of the server itself being compromised/hacked is bigger than physical theft (at least in my case), and if you take some good precautionary measures, even that risk is pretty small unless you’re being directly targeted by a skilled adversary. If the latter is the case, don’t store sensitive stuff on something with an IP address.