If you are tense and emotionally uncomfortable and/or the doctor is rough or rushed or just uncaring = it can be a bad experience.

Generally speaking the speculum is not comfortable but not painful. It is there so they can use a swab to get a sample from the woman’s cervix to check for abnormal/cancer cells. Some women don’t even feel the swab and others find it painful - most feel it but don’t find it particularly painful. If they do find problematic cells they cut a little bit off the cervix for testing.

I have always had nice doctors - when I was younger I felt a little weirded out - but never uncomfortable or in any pain. Until I had a cervical biopsy- which did hurt and left me cramping for a bit. But it hurt at around the level it hurts to get stuck with a needle when you give blood. Yes, it hurt - but not severe.

It’s just much much more scary to hurt in a sensitive area then it is to hurt on, say, your arm.

This is me! 🙂 I could make you a long list of things wrong with my parents / things they did wrong, but last I checked humans are going to be human (not perfect). My parents love me and they did the best they could. I had a WAY better childhood than most.

However 40 years of undiagnosed female ADHD didn’t go well. I didn’t feel like I deserved to be struggling so I pretended that I wasn’t. THAT didn’t work.

Eventually got knowledge and support - things are looking up for sure. Just - boy oh boy a lot of energy wasted and failures that could have been avoided if I knew then what I know now.

Grateful I know now, but folks who are struggling and don’t know why have my heart for sure.

Everyone makes mistakes.

If you had a reasonable childhood count yourself lucky - your mistakes will probably be reasonable. If you suffered from severe trauma/abuse or you have mental health challenges then you are likely to make different kinds of mistakes.

It is everyone’s job to work towards being better. You do something shitty then YOU did it - your childhood didn’t do that, you did. It also might be true that you don’t even recognize how shitty it is because you were taught it was “normal”.

We all are responsible for our actions, but some folks have been surrounded by kindness from birth so kindness is natural and easy. Other folks have to work really hard and make a lot of mistakes to learn that their behavior isn’t ok.

Yes, we are all responsible for our actions.

Equally true = some folks face enormous challenges because of background or brain chemistry, while others have it so easy they don’t get why anyone would struggle.

Absolutely humans are deeply affected on conscious and unconscious levels by all kinds of things that are out of their control - both experiences and brain chemistry. Absolutely it is a privilege afforded to only a few to have access to the support and resources needed to become aware of their situation and create deep change for themselves.

It’s also true that if you do a bad thing you did a bad thing. That does NOT mean you are a bad person, it does NOT mean all the things you can’t or couldn’t control are your responsibility, it does NOT mean that you even were fully aware of what you did.

But if you do a bad thing you are responsible for what you did. YOU did it. It is your responsibility to get on a path that will allow you to recognize and change that behavior.

It is nobody’s job to be perfect or beat themselves up for mistakes. It is everyone’s job to work towards being better - to themselves and to the people around them.

Part of that is understanding that you are responsible for your actions. You may genuinely not have been capable of making a better choice at the time - but if you did it = it’s on you to own the mistake.

Agree. There are some things American agrees on - example: if you are white don’t use the N word.

But there are a lot of other words/norms that we don’t agree on. Or ones that used to be ok and now aren’t. Example: Sweet Sixteen was a sweet and funny movie when it came out. Now it’s full of rape jokes and racist stereotypes. Same movie - culture changed.

Some folks adapted to those changes more quickly than others. Some folks want norms to change even more. Some folks still didn’t get the memo / are annoyed that people are acting like anything is different.

I did like that movie (am female, 50s) but I also agree it’s a good thing that rape jokes have become less ok. That said - I have a lot of compassion for folks who adapt more slowly. There are jokes you could make 20 yrs ago and everyone would laugh- but the same joke today will get you fired.

I think it’s really important to be kind and patient with folks who are slow to get the memo. I want to be respectful but he/she is a very hard habit to break. I’ll give it the old college try, but if you think I am a bad person for having a hard time adapting to that then I think your expectations are wildly unrealistic.

Even positive changes take time. Be kind to each other. If someone is unkind for sure call them out! But don’t get your panties in a wad of their language or humor is a little outdated but their actions are kind.

I mean Disney’s lawyer game is top notch. I would love to see the mouse vs AI battle.

Non profit gamblers would be awesome - like all gambling proceeds go to addiction recovery services… emphasis on gambling addiction.

I do think if gambling was outlawed completely it would still happen - fewer people involved but likely more associated violence. I would 1000% support gambling only being available via not for profit companies.

Is there any justification in folks selling crap unhealthy junk food? It has any number of ingredients that are harmful to humans short and long term. It is addicting and habit forming. The health consequences on a macro level hurt society.

There are any number of sometimes pleasurable but undeniably harmful things sold for a profit. I’m not saying I think gambling should be legal, but I am pointing out that it’s a slippery slope re: what crosses the line?

I don’t spend money on gambling but I do sometimes spend money on other things I know are bad for me. Is the answer to outlaw unhealthy things?

It’s not just the capitalists that want to make money - there are people who WANT to gamble. Make it illegal it will still happen - just without regulation. Prohibition didn’t work.

They for sure create targeted advertising towards likely repeat-spend customers. Big box liquor stores I’m sure use algorithms to encourage repeat purchases.

Again - not defending predatory gambling sites at all - just aware that almost every business model is about targeting big spenders and getting them to spend more. Example: micro transactions in gaming.

“Everyone does it” doesn’t make it ok, but if we don’t like that gambling sites care more about profit than the wellbeing of users? Certainly they are not alone in that.

I mean gambling is shitty but we don’t hold folks that make alcohol responsible for folks getting addicted to alcohol.

I’m not familiar with legal gambling, but theoretically there is a percentage of users that partake casually for fun - yes? And others who get addicted. Same with booze.

Obviously the overall experience of gambling is more predatory/distasteful, but I’m not sure that means they should be legally responsible for the folks who get addicted. If the booze makers and sellers are not responsible for providing a potentially addictive product, why are they?

Agree completely- I adore people who are excited about anything and tell me about it with enthusiasm!

That said - it needs to be mutual. Awesome for you to lecture me on your passions - but it’s not a fun relationship for me if you aren’t also eager to hear about the things I want to share.

You can always stop and call for help.

Don’t do anything you aren’t trained to do, and always ask “can I help?” / get verbal consent if they are conscious.

The danger is just if you have bad judgement. Say you saw a tourniquet on a TV show so you think you know when it’s appropriate to use a tourniquet - or if someone is injured and you decide to move them which makes them MORE injured. (Note: you CAN move them away from a fire or something that would otherwise kill them. “More injuries” is better than dead.)

But you can ALWAYS stop and be kind and call for help and wait with them!

If you act in good faith and aren’t trying to “play doctor” when you aren’t one - no jury is going to punish you for that. If there aren’t good Samaritan laws in your state (there are in most) they might be able to take you to court but they won’t win.

Kid leadership structure brings out the best in the older kids - often folks will rise to what you expect of them. Expect them to have good ideas, to be kind, to be inclusive and compassionate, to give you honest feedback, to be willing to take feedback themselves. Acknowledge and appreciate their struggles and their growth. It means so so much to get feedback from adults who aren’t your parents at that age!

Good kid leadership makes it cool to be inclusive = healthy group. If insecurity creates cliques and social hierarchy = not safe. Kids might admire and respect you, but what is “cool” will be decided by their peers… so you pretty sincerely will need help and advice from the older kids to keep the group healthy.

And don’t forget they aren’t just emotional / spiritual / intellectual - kids have bodies. Bring them outside. Play silly physical cooperative non-competitive games. Once they have had exciting shared physical experiences they will be that much more able to engage with each other on deeper levels.

It was very formative for me to be part of those groups. I deeply appreciate the people who make those experiences available - especially folks like you who are earnestly trying to do it well! 🙂

One group I was in would regularly do a white board list of “what is good / appreciate” and “what we can do better / want more or less of”. It was a very positive and egalitarian way for kids to give feedback to leadership as well as to each other. Felt great to anyone who was publicly appreciated and very positive modeling for being open to feedback / valuing improvement. Gave us a real sense of ownership. It wasn’t just the adult leaders making a program for us - it was us helping each other create a group that we wanted to be part of.

I went to Christian youth groups/retreats for three different churches when I was a early teen and loved them all. They had these things in common

• run by kind young adults that I admired and connected with easily
• created safe spaces for awkward age kids to connect with each other
• had an outdoor / trip component
• explored values and exposed us to stories/ideas without being heavy handed or judgmental
• also pizza 🍕

Basically they were set up to help and support us, not to judge or control. They taught kindness by example and helped us learn how to be kind to each other.

Questioning / doubting / being confused was seen a way to grow faith - not as a sin or a threat. They let kids talk to each other as we figured out for ourselves what we believed. They shared candidly appropriate stories about their own journeys.

Thank you for wanting to give kids a good experience! Obviously there are folks in the catholic faith who have abused power in the past. Parents will associate you with that so taking safety seriously and encouraging parents to ask questions = important.

It takes time to build up a good community of kids - but once you have it they recruit each other. One of the most effective things you can do is invest in recruiting and training a “jr counselor” kid leadership structure. Having good kids that are a year or two older than you to look up to is really powerful- and older kids who accept responsibility for reaching out to new kids helps create a safe space.

Have in-jokes. Be active. Be silly. Go outside. Kids are so creative and amazing- follow their lead wherever you can.

Right. They MEANT “if you mention Claude I don’t trust anything else you said”.

They just didn’t SAY that.

I’m not a fan of AI and don’t use it - however I can’t say I have found humans to be particularly clear, accurate or reliable either. Myself included… we all make mistakes. 🙂

So what you meant to say was “if you claim that you legitimately researched but you mention Claude - I will assume you did not”.

Which is valid. But is not what you said.

I use dashes constantly (way more than I should I’m sure) and always have - and I am in my mid 50s. Low key worried that folks will think I’m using AI so now I’m self conscious about them.

Judging or dismissing a PERSON for using tools you don’t respect = valid.

Saying you “invalidate” content that is “properly researched and legitimately correct” = what?

I mean most people have no idea how to “properly research” - this has been true for centuries - sloppy research is not a new phenomenon. If something was “properly researched” why would you reject it?

I am in my 50s and have never had a facebook account. I never will - but honestly I have been tempted to recently because apparently Craigslist is all scammers now and Facebook Marketplace is the go-to for local used buy/sell.

If I could make a “marketplace only” account I would because I like to buy/sell used. But I can’t so oh well.