it’s not that I ignored it, it’s just I couldn’t hear it. therapist believes it’s due to having adults in my life growing up who’ve weaponized my love. at some point I just turned it off as it just hurt too much. it’s been a process but I’ll remember, thanks
I’ve always had a hard time listening to gut feelings and its something I’m working on with my therapist atm. hopefully when I get back out there I can be more aware of it. I like the idea of small amounts of trust and building it up, I’ll definitely use that. thanks for the wise words and for reading through my long post its much appreciated :)
nice wallpaper! love the color scheme too
I don’t think I can forgive her or my community, at least any time soon. all I wanted was to lift her up but she choose to tear me down. my community choose to tear me down. how can I feel safe to be myself if it feels like the world is out to get me? why should I forgive myself if the world around me tells me I should be ashamed for being a man. for having needs. for wanting love…
you’re right though, in order to move on I have to forgive. I have to forgive her, I have to forgive my coworkers who choose to stay silent, I have to forgive my community for throwing me in jail, I have to forgive the world that shames men for existing…
I’m just having a hard time letting go. I feel so empty and hollowed out and I just don’t know where to start. I’ve been taking my therapists and family’s advice and working on my self esteem.
sorry for the rant I just needed to vent a little. thanks for the advice I really appreciate it.