The mechanics are so frustrating …

1. Off-the-shoulder means cold shoulders
2. Off-the-shoulder means limited bra options
3. Off-the shoulder usually limits your arm movement
4. …or you have to be very careful that things don’t slip too far and reveal a nip
5. Mesh and gauze is just right out - pointless fabrics!
6. These super loose and flowy shirts are hard to keep tucked in, so then my side flank gets cold
7. …or if it’s long enough enough to tuck, it results in a balloon of fabric that makes me look pregnant
8. Just to confirm, cause this is still hard for me to wrap my head around … you ACTUALLY find this kind of thing cute?

https://www.everlane.com/products/womens-drapey-square-shirt-kalmata https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/bl-nk-miranda-peasant-blouse2 https://www.anthropologie.com/shop/by-anthropologie-mini-tulle-layer https://www.nordstrom.com/s/off-the-shoulder-top/7476942 https://www.nordstrom.com/s/ceres-off-the-shoulder-satin-blouse/7460847

Whoo boy.

I used to work in the financial industry, specifically in a program geared toward women (trying to make financial services more approachable and inclusive). Much of their published “educational” material is about the harsh financial realities of being a woman, and the writers keep repeating this falsehood … as if the phrase “controlled pay gap” is profanity.

Don’t get me wrong, we should still be mindful of bias. We should acknowledge the pressure on women to take career breaks as caretakers (and, on the flip side, the pressure on men to be primary wage earners). And it’s perfectly valid to question whether pink collar work is undervalued and underpaid because these are traditionally female occupations.

But the women I worked with (most of them VPs in finance) simply preferred to believe that they were underpaid because of their gender. No matter what dollar figure you offered, no matter the industry/company/job role/etc., they would firmly believe that having a penis = 20% pay bump.

Like … that’s not how averages work ??

Ah yes, how could I forget the mesh / gauze / see-through tops and dresses! There’s nothing like buying an article of clothing that requires buying more articles of clothing to go underneath, or fails to provide any warmth or a barrier of any kind.

Thanks for the tip re: tailoring :)

I just heard this for the first time … an hour ago? From a Lemmy comment.

It does sound vaguely gross to my ears. Then again, so does the word “frothy” in a way I can’t explain. (But “moist” has never been an issue.)

I had the most amazing papardelle on Saturday! It was also comically slippery and difficult to share (went to an Italian restaurant for date night and got a few plates to split).

And I learned how to pronounce orechiette.

everyone looked like they dressed themselves by stumbling blindly through the discount rack at Gap Kids

I just want to say how much I loved this description and actually chortled. TBF, a google search of “early 2000s fashion” does indeed reveal no end of horrors… But it feels like this was somehow just a celebrity thing? Because we didn’t dress like crazy people at the time. I still think there was something iconic about Keira Knightley’s abs, but we weren’t stepping out of the house like that ;)

Shopping is annoying but still possible

True true! It used to be easy to find styles that resonated, and now I just have to dig a bit deeper.

On the topic of manufacturers, I also read that boxy styles can be a cost-cutting technique. Because it’s easier than tailoring/tucking or making other adjustments when the human form isn’t a simple rectangle.

Size 0 models, too…it’s not just about cultural norms or fat shaming, it’s also laziness. It’s more work to tailor a garment to a curvy figure than a waifish one. (Plus, there’s the simplicity of only having to supply one size.) Which isn’t hating on anyone who happens to be a size 0 or a boxy shape to begin with! :)

Hahah this is true!! Maybe it’s easier to remember the trends that aged well.

I think of shoulder pads as cringe, but apparently those are making a comeback … https://www.thelist.com/465500/the-truth-about-whether-or-not-shoulder-pads-are-back-in-style/

“Objective opinion” seems like an oxymoron, no? Did you mean the subjectivity of personal taste?

I didn’t think this needed to be said in the context of casual conversation/griping…but no, I don’t consider my taste in clothing (or music, or movies, or books, or food) to be objective fact that overrules every other person’s perspective.

If I post about how pineapple on pizza is amazing (which it is) and all you pineapple haters are missing out, that doesn’t mean I literally believe that everyone with taste buds will enjoy the taste of pineapple on pizza.

This is just my personal reaction to having trouble finding comfortable, flattering clothes beyond athletic attire. And I thought there might be other 30-something-year-old women on the internet with similar frustrations who could offer a pointer or two.

It took me years, but I finally started to appreciate high-waisted jeans after it dawned on me…oh, you can tuck IN the shirt. (I also have wide hips, but most importantly a nickel sensitivity. So getting this layer of fabric between my belly and the top button was a game changer! And allowed for more comfortable sitting haha.)

It’s interesting that you mention sewing. I’m not very crafty, but maybe I could find a tailor/seamstress to make the simple kind of summer dress that I find flattering & comfy: a knee-length cylinder of fabric, somewhat form-fitting but not bandage/bodycon-level slinky, with basic straps rather than boho pouf sleeves or fringe or whimsical off-the-shoulder cuts.

P.S. I was also kind of a goth in HS, but less baggy goth and more Shirley Manson/Faith the Vampire Slayer inspired, with a bit of skapunk influence from my peer group. But I’m too lazy to accessorize these days ;) So at home it’s 90% athleisure, and in the office it’s the traditional business (casual) wardrobe I established ~10 years ago. Only, that’s starting to feel too formal, and I’m trying to reclaim an actual sense of style.

Maybe. But I can see the appeal in many other eras and styles that I didn’t grow up with and have no business relating to…

Is it “insecure” to want a garment that fits the human form and doesn’t bunch / ride up / fall off my shoulders / let in the breeze? This doesn’t even have to do with fashion from an aesthetic perspective, it has to do with function and comfort. (Lord knows, I gave up on “glam” fifteen years ago…)

I don’t think this is true at the moment (with interest rates) or in cities, as a rule. A 2-bedroom apartment rents for $3K but sells for $1M+ where I live in the Boston area, so a mortgage payment would be at least double our rent :(

I’m at the point where I very much want to own a home - emotionally - but it’s hard to justify financially.

whoopsidoodle!