I have anger issues, which I can’t control. I am considered conventionally attractive (though I don’t see it) and many people think I’m cool and want to be around me.
Like I said, though, I have anger issues where I will act quite aggressively towards people. One time, someone I knew said hi to me, so I screamed “I HEARD YOU”. I also tend to type very dryly and with periods when I’m upset (which is admittedly ~90% of the time but I can’t control that).
My friend doesn’t talk to me as much and I really don’t get why because even when I’m “aggressive”, it’s tough love and I’m trying to help them. If I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t be like that.
I’m even like this with guys I’ve dated and I love them not as brothers.
Women also piss me off more than men do, so I hang out more with them because I feel like they get me and aren’t as bitchy. (Part of the reason why I’m bi curious but never found a woman I’d date, excluding one I almost went out with).
While I do tend to praise men and ignore women, as some people say, it’s tough love since I think women should be the best versions of themselves :) [I believe this is why society is so hard on women as a whole]
But yeah, TLDR; My mood problems impact the people I care about, and I’m wondering if it’s a turn off since some people don’t want to be around me rather than loving me for me.
I have a reason for my actions, people just choose to ignore those reasons and misinterpret me.
So I’m in a similar-ish situation to you in that I process emotions differently to other people and think a lot of what characterizes normal communication is burdensome, though in my case I appear more as cold or insensitive than angry. With that in mind, I’ll say this:
You’re correct. If someone was being an ass to me all the time I wouldn’t want to be around them either. You have to understand the differences between your thinking and that of people around you (which is easier said than done; I’ve been and still am there), and with that understanding decide how much you intend to adjust your behavior to account for those differences. The spectrum here has two extremes; one is changing nothing about your behavior and the other is to completely go against your instincts and do everything you can to appear as a normal person to the other side. Where you land on this spectrum is ultimately up to you, but it’s up to other people whether they’ll stick around or leave you, so it’s a trade-off and you’ll have to decide how much you’re willing to make it. Of course, remember the golden rule and don’t do things you know will hurt the other person. Also:
This is an exception to everything I’ve said above. It’s just misogyny, no two ways about it. It’s not up to you what “the best version” of a woman (or anyone else) is, or whether or not they should be that.