So I’m not sure if this is age related or not. I’m a 21 year old male, maybe you could share your age as well.
So basically for a long time (probably my whole life) I had this deep longing/fantasy to live at a different place than the one I’m living right now. As if I don’t belong where I’m from and need to be somewhere else to truly feel home. I’m from northern Germany and always had the deep desire of traveling places.
When me and my family went on vacation when I was a kid for example when we flew to Egypt it felt like a wonderful dream as if I was in heaven or something. I just love when I’m in totally different environments like coming from the cold Germany into a tropically warm climate, in a country that is very different, with very different culture and mentality in this beautiful and gigantic hotel resort.
Idk how to describe it but it’s like my core desire got fulfilled.
I never felt home here in Germany and my deep desire always was to live somewhere else where there is a very different culture and environment.
A significant amount of time I always wanted to go to America. I’ve never been there so far unfortunately.
But I always had this feeling that I didn’t felt right where I’m from and was always searching for this place where I can feel home, where it’s wholesome and I feel freed from all worries, where I have deep/meaningful connections and can fully live in joy and embrace every little moment of life in this deeply joyful way like living like a child again.
I assume a lot of this is probably just some psychological phenomenon that is inducing a fake/unreal fantasy. I assume even if I could move to some other country I might not feel as joyful like when I was a kid and even if I do, at some point it might not feel special anymore and it might not be like I hoped.
So maybe this is just this classic “the grass seems always greener on the other side” thing and in reality it might not be like that.
But I wonder does any of you also have this deep inner fantasy of living in a different place/culture where it kinda feels magical to live and you have ultimate happiness? It might be something unrealistic or a place that doesn’t exist but it’s like a deep feeling in me and I wonder if others also have it. Maybe it goes deeper and it is this “leftover” from childhood that I remember and that I’m longing for? Maybe it’s a fantasy of being a kid again?
I love your descriptions, they provide a beautiful felt sense of the longing. I think that longing is universal, though the images we associate with it are different (warm climate, etc.)
This is a spiritual longing, the heart’s desire to be whole, to be home, to no longer feel separate. Your intuition is correct that just moving to a new place won’t resolve this longing. Everywhere you go, there you are, and you have brought all the inner baggage along with you (trauma, family and cultural conditioning, etc.) After the newness of a place wears off, the old issues return.
I’ve been on a quest to fulfill this longing over the last 15 years, through many various spiritual and psychological practices. Recently I feel that sense of wholeness again regularly, daily even. It’s been a long path to get there. If this resonates with you I’m happy to answer your questions.