What you’re describing is “interpersonal effectiveness.” You may already be familiar with DBT, as it sounds like you’ve already been working on emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and mindfulness. Interpersonal effectiveness is the 4th core component of DBT, teaching skills around setting appropriate boundaries and assertive communication.

There are a ton of interpersonal effectiveness worksheets online if you’re interested in self-study. Here’s an example, including the famous “DEAR MAN” skill. You might also just go straight for Marsha Linehan’s DBT skills book, which has all the official worksheets.

In the world of Internal Family Systems therapy, detaching means unburdening your trauma parts which results in a version of you which is closer to your authentic SELF and is much more capable of meaningful connection and love. Any “need” on your end is a part which is seeking something that it lacked at some point in your development and unburdening that part by learning to provide that need internally rather than seeking it externally allows you to make authentic connections with others without asking them to be something specific for your parts. This allows them to also be authentic and the relationship to be healthier overall.