Nah, I just run up that hill and make fun of all the fat kids.

No really! If I were to stop running, people would hear my wheezing breath. Can’t have that.

Breathe harder, lean in real close to bystanders, lock eye contact, assert dominance

I also try to breath normally and silently when bypassing someone while jogging, just before I am dying from lack of oxygen and failing back into panting.

I can relate to this especially this past week visiting Yellowstone National Park. I climb a category 2 mountain and felt like I was dying when I reached the top. But dam it was worth it.

my asthmatic ass chugging and whistling like a goddamn train

And if you only could
You’d make a deal with God